Nuggets of Truth in Samantha Brick’s ‘Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful’ Piece

Many have gotten their knickers in a bunch over journalist Samantha Brick’s piece about the downsides of being a pretty girl.  Namely, she says other women are mean to her because they’re jealous.

Naturally, this has sparked a firestorm of criticism, mostly aimed at if she’s hot or not. Some of the comments are down right ugly. But she touches on something that I’ve seen happen.

Sure there’s plenty of upsides to being pretty. It can make it easier to get past the velvet ropes life offers, but like everything there can be challenges. For example, some attractive women have a hard time being taken seriously by male co-workers unless they present the (and I hate to use the term) bitchy exterior.

I certainly don’t have the problem that Brick says she has due to her looks. I’m just your average brown-skinned girl, but I have a friend who is drop dead gorgeous. Stunning. Well, I’ve got a lot of them, but this one is particularly striking and she too has had problems with women.

I remember the first time she told me: “I have no girl friends.” I was surprised because she’s shoot-the-milk-out-your-nose funny, fiercely loyal and honest. But I gave her a good once over, her perfectly petite, yet curvy frame, glowing olive skin, thick healthy mane, piercingly green eyes, yaddayaddayadda you get the idea. I responded: I bet so.

This speaks to the point I think Brick was trying to make in her essay, one that was lost in its arrogant tone. We all know about Mean Girls and each of us has some mean in us, and for some that can really come out when a beautiful woman is involved.

Admit it, we’ve all done and/or thought it. Our friend with the perfect body, we say: “Ugh I hate her.” The same goes for the girl with the amazingly awesome hair, or the chic with age-appropriate but trendy clothes and the mom who’s the total package and always put together.  Our comments are said playfully, but there is a spark of jealousy.

It’s too bad really, we all need to do a better job of being supportive. Present company included. I remember not too long ago though, Hubby and I were sitting at a bar after my Listen To Your Mother audition. There was a woman with wild tresses and a gorgeous face to match.

Hubby and I had trouble not staring at her, finally, after a few glasses of wine, I decided to pay the stranger a compliment. Walking up to her, I got nervous. I’d never done this before, not even to a guy that I liked. I took a deep breath:

“Excuse me, I just wanted to say, platonically speaking, you are so gorgeous.”

She quickly flashed me her million dollar smile. “Thanks, that means a lot.”

“Sure!” OK, I thought. I’ve said it, now how to exit gracefully…

“No really, thanks because I’ve been having a tough time at things, so that really brightens my week. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I smiled back, wished her a good evening and returned to my husband.

It felt good to be nice to a pretty lady, it was much better than being a mean girl.

Posted in Health and Beauty | Tagged , , , , , | 17 Comments

You’ll Never Believe Who’s on the List of Finalists…

You know how actors say it’s an honor to simply be nominated? And you know how you don’t believe them? Well now I find myself saying it but also really meaning it.

No, no, no. I haven’t been nominated for an Oscar. (Besides awards season is over, remember?) I found out this weekend that She’sWrite is a finalist for a Peter Lisagor Award. The Lisagors are handed out by the Chicago Headline Club, the largest local chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists. The awards are to honor top-quality journalism in the Chicago area. (Ack!! I’m a finalist!)

Sorry. I had a Cathy moment there.

Anyway, I submitted a few pieces from my blog and some of the ones I’ve written for The Huffington Post. None of the HuffPo pieces were chosen, but it’s kind of special that She’sWrite, my own little corner of cyberspace, was picked as a finalist.

Also, the HuffPo pieces were under the category of affiliated blogs and a finalist in that category is the one and only Roger Ebert. I’m totally cool with not going up against that level of talent.

Not that my category is easy either. One guy is a freelance photojournalist who blogs about, among other things, his view from Behind The Tape and his shots are clever and compelling, like his writing. The other is a freelance journalist and regular contributor to ChicagoNow.com. His Gaggin’ in the Grove blog is a hyperlocal and sometimes whimsical look at his suburb. My favorite is his police blotter.

I’ve never won a Lisagor, I’ve been among the “staff” listed before, but nothing that was all me. The winners are announced at the awards dinner on May 4. I’m stoked, but scared.

I may not win, but it’s all good because I’m delighted to make the list of finalists. After all even if I don’t win, like Chicago Cubs fans say: There’s always next year!

 

*image by Cathy Guisewite

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Tuscan Market and Wine Shop: Drink Wine and Be Merry

Tuscan Market and Wine Shop is a place where it’s not all about the wine. Really, it’s all about you.

It’s nestled in the middle of a block not far from the commuter rail line and it sits along a bricked sidewalk, looking like the other wine shops in town. But creak open the doors and slip into a welcoming watering hole.

The vibe here is “drink whatever you like, we just want you to have a good time,” says owner Amy Philpott, who opened her shop in 2007.

The seating area, which can comfortably hold about 50, is comprised of several round, dark wooden tables, a couple long rectangle ones perfect for a girls night out or an informal meeting and a beautifully stocked bar with incredible beer on tap.

Just ask my husband, he’s a beer snob who hates wine. Whenever he hears the words “wine shop” or “wine bar,” he instinctively rolls his eyes (and in my mind, probably starts to brace himself for choking down “classy” beers like Bud Light’s Platinum ….)

But not here. They have three beers on tap, and those often change. Recently it was Guinness, Harp and Breckenridge Irish Red. Also, Tuscan Market has a staggering bottled beer selection. Or maybe I should say a bottled selection that could leave you staggering? Regardless, it’s one that makes manager Debbie Smart is quite proud. Her and Hubby bonded over lagers the last time we were here and by only the second round, she prohibited him from ordering any more.

Not because he had taken to dancing on the tables (again!), but because she wanted to choose his beers, surprising him with new ones that he hadn’t before tried. He happily swigged them down, with his favorite being Einbecker Pils.

But enough about the beer. Let’s talk wine. Ohhhhh the wine. You can find reasonably priced wine all the way up to the throwing-logic-out-the-window priced wine. I liked the Crios Malbec but the Cambria Tepusquet Syrah is more me. It’s a classic Syrah as it’s rich with dark berries, smoky and with a floral overtone. Yummy.

What goes better with wine and beer than food? Tuscan Market’s nosh is insane. I went there with my mommyfriends and we got the Tuscan Drops, which were crispy pizza crust-like on the outside, with a soft-in-melt in your mouth ooey gooey brie and pesto inside.

They also have tasty pizzas. We tried the Tuscan Heat, which has fresh pesto, mozzarella, smoked gouda, spicy sausage and giardinerra. It’s the brain child of Smart, the beer specialist. I found it to be hearty and just the right amount of kick. Hubby absolutely loved it. I moreso enjoyed the Three Cheese pizza. It’s got mozzarella, provolone, smoked gouda and pesto.

At a recent girls night out, one of my friends took the first bite of the Three Cheese pizza and exclaimed: “Oh my GAWD this is better than SEX!!!” Naturally it was an ugly, hair-pulling battle to get a piece and about two minutes later, it was all over.

Tuscan Market also has a deli, a sizeable selection of wine stacked along its walls and all the accessories and gift ideas that any wino could ever want.

And this place is not all fantastic food and drinks, there’s a very popular book club. I know, nothing says sexy like a book club. But really, this is a cool one. So cool in that they have the authors come to do readings and answer questions about their books.

About every six weeks an author comes and for $25 you get a book signed, appetizer and glass of wine. The event is capped at 60 people, so register early. Like the “Better Than Sex” pizza, the spots quickly disappear.

All in all, Tuscan Market is delectable and I can see why many refer to it as the local Cheers. I think I may work on becoming their Norm.

Photos by Ginny Washburne

*Disclosure: Owner Amy Philphott gave a group of my friends some free appetizers and pizzas for our girls night out.

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Our Hoodie Tribute to Trayvon Martin

I wanted our family to take part in some of the Trayvon Martin rallies in downtown Chicago. I thought it would be a good chance to be a part of combating an issue that some in America aren’t brave enough to admit exists.

But with rain clouds above and a small one with the sniffles, I scrapped our plans and decided to honor the slain 17-year-old suburban style: We had a Hoodie March to the park. And I use the term “march” loosely, as it was the four of us, including the one who’s still a little new to walking.

My boys, all hoodied up, heading out for our walk.

Ethan’s excited to get a head start on our outing. I love how happy they both become over the smallest things. Part of my heart breaks a little when I think of the racism they’ll likely encounter. I would like to tell myself that racism will be eradicated by then, but I know better. All I can do is give them the tools to deal with it while loving mankind. They are Trayvon Martin.

Nothing says Thug Life like hoodies in a Radio Flyer.

Our Hoodie March managed a couple double-takes, but honestly, I think people were admiring my cute boys.

Yeah, not a great picture, but it’s the only one I’ve got of us four. We were supposed to all look serious, but it clearly didn’t work out that way.

All of this social awareness can tired a brother out.

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Uniting My MILFs: A Memorable Girls’ Night Out

There’s something special about mommyfriends. I’ve blogged before about my group of mommypals, you may remember, we call ourselves the MILFs.

My MILFs

Well we’ve known each other for roughly four years and early on, we were pretty tight, even had a girls weekend in Wisconsin. But over time, with changing jobs, growing families, ailing elders, swim lessons, soccer games, T-ball and ballet, we’d gotten lost in the demands of our lives.

Trying to get a Girls Night Out going seemed like a fruitless effort as out of the eight of us, only one or two could make it. That would result in disappointment all around.

I would still regularly talk, text, email and Facebook with most of the MILFs and a few girls continued to hang out with each other, but it’s been a long time since it was all eight. And every time I talked to a MILF they would say how they desperately needed a night out.

I agreed, but didn’t want to have just a regular night of drinking, I wanted to do something special.

We needed to do something to celebrate our friendship, because I’ve been to a few other mommy groups and they are nowhere near as awesome as my MILFs. They’ve got one too many “Mombots.” (Robot-like mommies with zero personality.)

I picked a special spot to host us, Tuscan Market and Wine Shop. I love wine and I love food and this place is teeming with both. Plus it’s cozy, unpretentious and a great place to hang with friends.

Next, I scheduled it so all eight could come. I tried to take away any excuse to miss out and I tried to build up a little mystique by saying I had planned “something special.”

See, the problem with some of our GNOs is that we often spend much of the time talking about our kids. While yes, we all want to know what the others’ munchkins are up to, whether we’re going through the same struggles, yaddayaddayadda. However, after a bit of that, it’s time to move on to other topics. We are more than our children. This is our time away from our kids, this is our time, so let’s talk about us!

As much as I hate playing stupid games, I figured I’d Google for some clever ones that would give each other more non-kid related insight to ourselves or at least make us laugh.

This game-playing thing is not my comfort area, so I reached out to one of the MILFs, who’s done these touchy-feely team-building things for her job. I also thought it’d be great to use some of the swag I’d gotten at recent blogging events as giveaways to the game winners.

It was a Wednesday night and me and a MILF arrived a smidge early. I needed to set the table up with the goodie bags of chocolate I’d made. The first game was that we had to write on a piece of paper something no one at the table knew. That resulted in stories that ranged from the hilarious: the police caught one MILF literally with her pants down schtooping her then-boyfriend (now husband) in a parking lot. Others were more serious, like being a scared high schooler who skipped school one day to drive her friend to the abortion clinic.

We did another game, that was a fill-in-the-blank type thing and then came my favorite part. The Paper Plate Awards.

I’m not crafty so don’t judge on the quality, but I created these awards for each MILF. Before handing them out, I briefly told each girl why she’s special to me. Toward the end, I found myself getting unnaturally verklempt and a couple of them were blinking back tears too.

I didn’t mean to slip into the Land of Sap, but alas there I was. I made it through without crying and we finished out the rest of the evening catching up on each others lives, (kids and all) and devouring insanely scrumptious appetizers and pizzas.

I’m working on the MILF night for next month, but I’ve told the girls not to expect anything special, I simply felt we needed to breathe a little life into our amazing friendships and remind ourselves how lucky we are to have one another.

 

*Photos by Ginny Washburne.

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Wordless Wednesday: My Body’s SO Not Ready For Swimsuit Season

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Forgetting to Exercise My Right To Vote

I looked at the clock. It was 6:55 p.m. and I still hadn’t voted today. Not because I was turned off by the candidates, the barrage of abusive political ads and empty promises.

I simply lost track of time.

I got up this morning, whirred around the house to get everyone ready for school.  The family headed out the door and I made a mental note to vote on the way home. I was pretty aware of the issues and who I wanted for what positions, so it wouldn’t take long.

Naturally after dropping off the kids, my mind was racing with different iterations of my To Do list: Buy diapers, return Ken’s email, check on Huffington Post piece, check my account balance, wash the boy’s clothes, I wonder if I’ll have time for a nap…

I got lost in the busyness of my day and didn’t vote. That is sad and shameful, but there is a bit of triumph in it. Bear with me as I explain.

It wasn’t so long ago that black people voting in America was a big deal. Though black men legally had the right to vote since 1870, many Americans worked tirelessly to keep blacks from the polls. They created unreasonable hoops for blacks to jump through and used good old-fashioned intimidation to disenfranchise us. Then thousands of blacks and whites starting making amazing sacrifices to change this, they were beaten, firebombed and even killed. So that I could vote.

Me. They sacrificed to give me a voice in the political process.

It’s sad that I got too focused on my To Do list and let the importance of the day slip my mind. It’s also a historical triumph in that me going to the polls isn’t a racially charged issue anymore. No one so much as raises an eyebrow when me and my brown skin waltz into my voting precinct. And I don’t think about it either.

Like I said earlier, the time was 6:55 p.m. I was getting ready to put Ethan to bed, he was in his PJs and we were walking to his room. When it dawned on me that I was about to miss my first election since turning 18, I tossed my kid into my mom’s arms. (My parents are visiting.) I galloped down the stairs shouting that his bottle was ready and that my mom had all she needed to put him to bed.

The polls close at 7 p.m. and mine is close to my house. I briefly considered running there, but instead grabbed the keys and ballet flats and headed out the door. I screeched into the parking lot and ran inside. I didn’t care how silly I looked hauling ass to vote, blood was shed so that I could do this.

After busting through the door, a Justin Beiber-haired poll worker greeted me with a smile and his hand on the thick voting roll. “What’s your last name?”

I smiled, I’d made it. It was 6:58 p.m.

Posted in Motherhood, News | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

A Massacre in Syria: Don’t Close Your Eyes

I’m a suburban U.S. mom of two boys with a (admittedly) gas-guzzling SUV. We make a decent living and my stresses amount to whether my house is clean enough for visitors, if my kids are meeting all their milestones or lamenting over my muffin top, my career or whether my husband will be home before the kids go to bed.

Trivial? Yes.

Image by ponsulak

Still, I’m a newshound and starting a year ago, I sporadically followed the popular uprising in Syria. Then word started to come out about the brutality of the Syrian government’s crackdown and I’ve since been uber obsessed.

I feel like there’s a genocide happening right before my eyes and I’m not sure how to stop it. I check Google News several times a day to see what’s happening. I followed the government troops’ advancement on the city of Homs, which before the uprising had a population of 1 million. (For a little perspective, Homs is 19 square miles, about the size of Branson, Mo., and that city has a population of 7,500.) I winced as I followed the attack on Homs, when at least 100 people were killed each day. In those “shellings” there was the killing of veteran war correspondent Marie Colvin.

She’d clearly witnessed some action in her time, even lost her eye in an attack in Sri Lanka and the fact that she said the slaughter in Syria was the worst she’s ever seen… Well, to me, that says something. It says that this is different, this is extra horrific. This is unconscionable.

I remember watching the movie Hotel Rwanda with tears streaming down my cheeks wondering how people could just sit idly by as others were massacred. Now, eight years later, we have atrocious killings and torturing again. I know this happens in various pockets of the world every day, but today, I’m talking about Syria. I don’t have any family there, in fact I have no ties to the country, but it’s captured my heart and my heart breaks for its people.

Meanwhile, President Bashar al-Assad and his supporters have been describing the anti-government rebels as foreign-supported “terrorists.” The U.N. says more than 8,000 people have been killed in the past 12 months.

Recently CNN had a piece called “72 Hours Under Fire” and I was enthralled. There was the 19-year-old volunteer gasping for breath, a horrible head wound from a man laying listlessly on a blood-soaked cot, a terrified mom begging CNN correspondent Arwa Damon to feel her crying child’s feverish forehead.

(How many of us moms have felt helpless when our baby has a fever, we don’t know what’s wrong and it seems like an eternity to get an appointment at the doctor’s office? Well, then imagine being this Syrian mother. Loving your child as much as you do. And all the medical care has to take place in disparate, half-standing buildings that if you visit, you very well risk getting killed by snipers. Now that’s real helplessness.)

I challenge you to keep reading this post. Keep feeling uncomfortable. Don’t turn off your heart. We have the luxury of doing this, they don’t. So imagine walking in their footsteps as best as you can for as long as you can.

It’s awful. The trembling children with hollowed eyes who have witnessed more than any being ever should see. The untold women who have been raped. The father who saw a soldier slit the throat of his 12 year old son. Sheesh.

I admit, I desperately wanted to change the channel from the “72 Hours Under Fire.” In fact I did. I left CNN and checked out E! because I needed an escape and there’s nothing like escaping into the enclave of trivial celebrity life.

Then feeling shallow, I begrudgingly turned back to CNN. If these people could grit their way through this massacre, I could at least do them the service of watching, listening to their cries. I feel powerless to help, I can offer my prayers and after a Google search, “Like” a Facebook group. After more Googling, I found Life for Relief and Development, which is helping Syrian refugees, and there’s Avaaz, the Internet activist organization.

So I’ll write a check, but I wish there was more I could do. I want the massacres to end immediately. I sometimes think of the Kony2012 campaign and wonder if there’s something similar that could be done that’s aimed at stopping the bloodshed in Syria. If we can work together to bring someone to justice for atrocities committed yesterday, the day before or even decades ago, can we do something to stem the atrocities of today and tomorrow?

God, I hope so.

But for now, I will be thankful for the perspective and remind myself that if my little one doesn’t sleep through the night, if the trash doesn’t get taken out to the curb, or if my fat girl jeans are a little too comfy, that it’s all trivial and nothing more.

 

First they came for the communists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak for me.

~A version of Martin Niemoller’s poem, “First They Came.”

 

*Image by ponsulak

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Wordless Wednesday: A Door From Chicago’s Past

 

Walking to brunch one day, this door struck me as beautiful. I whipped out my phone and snapped a shot. After doing some research, this building in Chicago’s River North neighborhood dates back to 1872 and was once a boarding house for travelers.

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Real Talk: A White Girl and Black Girl Banter on Race

White people, did you ever want to ask someone black about being black, but were too worried about being labeled the “R” word? Black people, what about you? Have you ever wanted to tell a white person your unfiltered feelings but didn’t feel like dealing with the aftermath?

By Digitalart

You’re not alone. Me and one of my Caucasian gal pals have honest conversations about race a lot and we thought it would be kinda fun to share one of our talks with others. She took it one step further and decided to blog about it by capturing one of our chats via IM.

Check us out on her wonderfully written blog True Stories. At the very least you’ll smile at level of frankness, even if your feathers happen to get a little ruffled.

Posted in Appetizer for Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments