We were running late. Again. Since having kids, I’m late to everything, I’m so late, I’ve begun to change the definition of late.

If we show up 5 minutes after the appointed time, we’re not late, that’s on time, or even early. Today, I was hoping against all hope to be “on time” for swim class.

Sitting at a stop light, willing it to turn green I looked over at the SUV next to us and saw a huge, cinnamon-colored dog that looked like a chow on steroids. The dog’s hind legs were on the back seat and his front paws rested comfortably in the front seat.

Naturally, seeing this freakishly sized dog, I point it out to the kids. “Guys, look over there at that dog. It looks like a bear.”

They peered out the window and Logan said “That’s huge!!”

My mind wandered elsewhere and I heard myself mumble a response of some sort.

“Mom?” Logan asked.

“Yeah?” God, I hope the other parents are late for swim class.

“What’s a big S dog?”

“What do you mean?” I admittedly was only half-listening to him.

“A big S dog.”

I focused my full attention on him. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“You said it was a big S dog, what is that?”

“I don’t know Logan, I’m not good with different breeds of dogs, so I doubt I said an S dog.”

Then it hit me. In my response to his commentary on the dog, I must have mumbled that’s a big ass dog.

I chuckled. A big ass dog.

“Oh, an S dog. Yes, well, that’s just a big dog.”




Running Late: Another entry for my Mom of the Year nomination — 11 Comments

  1. I remember when my first daughter was 2. She was sitting on the potty, not pottying, and I mumbled, “well f–k.” Sure as shit, she proudly shouted, “well f–k mommy!” I swelled with pride. Of course I never said that word again. Ever.

    • You know I can relate and I TOTALLY believe you that you never dropped the f-bomb ever again in life. In fact, your impressive restraint is one of the many reasons I’m your biggest fan. That and your booty-shaking abilities. Or S-shaking abilities.

  2. Hilarious! Yes, that is a big S dog! I’ve slipped up a couple of times in front of my son and was afraid he’d repeat it. Luckily he hasn’t.

    • I hear you. I think we all have that fear. One thing that helped me though was my friend Dr. Gilboa (she’s at askdoctorg.com) we were talking about this and she said it was good to teach kids there are some words they cannot say, but that adults may choose to use as it helps teach them about how we use varying language in different situations. Like most hard-swearing people, can abstain from profane language while inside a church. Anyway, I’ve instituted that in case I slip up or see another big S dog, with hopes that curbs the repeat factor. 🙂

  3. Ha, love it! I am always late too, but I’ve been always late since WAY before kids so I don’t know what my problem is. And you have way more reserve than me, I would’ve responded to my kid like “I said big ASS dog, but don’t repeat that.” Probably why my kids think the “F” word is an adjective…and they know they’re not allowed to say it-I do provide some boundaries. But the other day my youngest told my oldest to close the effing door when she barged in on the little one going to the bathroom. I was all “Hey, hey now. Don’t say that” but in my mind I was all “she’s kinda right-you can’t go barging in on people in the bathroom, WTF kid?”

  4. Hehehe! Too funny! Don’t you love it when they repeat what we say? Its happened to me many times….
    And I’m always late too…it’s one of those bad habits I am going to attempt to break. Might be a tough one. I’ve been late for a lot of years now…I’d be embarrassed to admit how many…

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