Lying To Your Partner About Your Purchases
Ever told your hubby that your new killer boots were on clearance and by “on clearance” you meant on the way to the clearance rack you stumbled upon the store’s hottest items? Or what about you guys, did you secretly wait in line, procure the iPhone4 and try to pass it off as your old iPhone?
Lying to your spouse about what you spend happens. Actually according to one survey, it happens a lot. The one done recently by credit debt management firm CESI Debt Solutions says 80 percent of married respondents lie to their partners about spending.
Why is that? Some say it’s because their partner needn’t know everything. Marriage is full of compromises and it’s a lot of hard work. On some things people don’t feel like ceding ground, so they shop in secret, or at least delay the truth until the bill arrives.
Hubby and I have a different set up. We don’t have joint accounts, mostly because we never got around to setting one up after we got married. And now, eight years later, this is our normal. Thankfully he takes care of all of the bill-paying, so I just give him a sizable amount of my check for the household and the rest is my play money.
Most of my “extraneous” purchases are clothes and usually I’m so stoked about them, I show him my latest finds. Poor guy, he just patiently nods and smiles. The biggest purchase he’s made that I didn’t know about was when he got the car chipped (to make it drive faster.) But that was also a sort of surprise “gift” for me since I’m such a speed demon.
Another example is when friends of ours were climbing their way out of debt and the husband began squirreling away money. Instead of putting it toward old credit card bills, he spent thousands on new golf clubs. Ouch.
If you’re keeping money secrets because you’re embarrassed about bad spending habits, try to get your partner to help you make better decisions without judgment or condemnations. Also, get a financial planner, we’ve used one and it was helpful.
If it’s about wanting to feel free to make your own decisions, if you can afford to, create a small discretionary fund. It can be all yours, but keep it small, and be open and honest about the purchases.
“They” always say communication is key to a successful marriage and a good chunk of marriages end in divorce over money troubles, so stop lying about your spending people.
Conversations about money are hard, but they’re essential in a relationship. Besides, no one said marriage was a cake walk, they just said you could get cake at the wedding.
I can’t remember where I read it, but I do remember a study on “financial infidelity” being even more likely to end in divorce than sexual infidelity. My general rule is that if you are lying about anything to your spouse it is a sign that things are going wrong. And if you care about your relationship you’ll want to get to the root problem ASAP. So I completely agree with you, the conversations may be tough, but you’ve got to have them. And you can have cake again on your anniversary if you like. 🙂
Yes, in my research for this post I ran across that statistic on financial infidelity. So true about how it’s important to get to the base of the issues in your marriage. Oh and on the cake point, there can be cake on your anniversary, birthday, after a rough day at work, or even just because. Obviously, I’m a big cake fan.
Jason and I have had separate accounts our entire marriage (a decade), both when I was working and now. We have access to the other’s account, but have never used it. We have never had one fight about money. Strange, but true.